fiction

How not to love.

How hard it is to distract yourself when you have a parallel thought that is making your heart bleed. Like in the middle of the chest a hollow has been created and something carved out that needs immediate filling. The heartbeat has also shifted to it. You feel like it is beating there, in that hollow and not at its usual place. You try to scroll through your news feed, your Instagram and Twitter which always keep you busy, but today they are not helping at all. You then go to Netflix or Amazon, play through a number of videos but all you hear is that beat in the hollow space. There is a sudden numbness in your thumbs with which you type, the other fingers that hold your phone feel a little shaky like the mobile has suddenly gained a lot of weight.

You search a place to lay down, to shut your eyes and somehow push that though away from your head. But nothing works. Nothing.

The remedy is her voice. You check your phone for previous messages, some old voice recording to soothe your nerves. You check her pictures saved, try to imagine the best of the memories, the best of the times spent together. You re-read the recent conversation to see what it actually meant, if you have somehow missed something. You try hard to push that thought away. But nothing works. Nothing.

The hollow goes on expanding, the beat becomes heavier and louder. The thought begins to push all other things out. You crash down teary eyed.

Only her voice will work. You pick up the phone to give her a call, but she told, she needs some time. You respect her wishes and suffer in the dark.

Waiting for voice to fill that hole.

i need suggestions.

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